Tag Archives: step mom

1 year, 1 month, 23 days….

After 1 year, 1 month and 23 days… that woman who gave birth to the Teen finally crawled out from under her rock last night.

She sent me a Facebook message.

It was completely self-centered, and poorly spelled. (I hate it when people type messages like that in text short hand.. You= U, and = N, am = M etc… seriously, how much longer could it really take you to spell everything out?)

She claims to “miss her very much.”

and

“wants to start writing her very soon.”

I don’t buy it.  I think she had a momentary pang of guilt.

Oh, and I almost forgot my personal favorite:

“I hope she is not facing some of the things I have had to face in my teen years.”

Well, if you were abandoned by your mother .. then yes, she’s going through that.  Otherwise, I doubt it.

Give me a break.

I am going to tell her about herself this time. I’m done being nice, I’m done just letting her keep hurting her.  If she wants to truly make an effort, then it will be up to the Teen to agree to it. But there will be clear expectations put on her.  And with the baby due in a few weeks, I have a hard time believing that she’s going to pull it off. 

But before I do anything, I’m going to talk to the Teen about it. See what she wants me to do. Maybe she wants to tell her off herself.  My dear hubby didn’t really have anything to say about it when I read him the message.  He’s so helpful sometimes. 😉

Well.. wish me luck. I’m going to talk to her after school..and in the mean time I’m going to work on composing my thoughts on the matter.

And make soup. It’s definitely a soup kind of day.

 

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Suspicions Confirmed. Ugh.

So, I’ve been trying really hard to stop obsessing about all this stupid psycho-people drama in my life. I’m not a fan of the drama. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t mind sitting back and watching other people’s drama, but I don’t like it invading my life.  Ugh. I really just have to let it go already.

Anyway-  today I have drama of a slightly different nature.

My suspicions have been confirmed.

The Teen’s mother (and I use the word mother very loosely… I’ve started referring to her as “that woman.”)  is indeed pregnant.  UGH.

She so kindly posted a picture of her “baby bump” today on Facebook.

Awesome. Thanks.

Now the problem is how and when do I break the news to the Teen?

I don’t think she’s going to take it well. I sure wouldn’t, and I don’t expect anything less.

How would you feel if you hadn’t heard from your so-called mother for over a year and then one day you find out she’s going to give birth to another half-sibling that you’ll never know…. and she couldn’t be bothered to call and tell you herself.

Man Alive. What is wrong with this woman???

I just don’t get it. Since I’ve found out for sure, I’ve been doing a little research about adopting her as my own. I’ve wanted to do it for a while now, and I think we need to make it happen. Well, that is of course if she wants me to.  I think we could probably do it without a lawyer, as long as that woman agrees to terminate her parental rights without a fight. Aside from a lawyer, the most expensive thing I’ve found so far is the social worker investigation/visit.  I found a family lawyer that had a pretty good section about step parent adoptions, maybe a free consultation would be worth the trip. I need to talk to hubby of course. I haven’t even told him the news about that woman.

Oh well… enough about that! I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I’ll post more tomorrow about ours! I finally got to meet my could-be-future-sister-in-law. Did I even mention my Brother-in-law has a new girlfriend? Well, he does. LOL 😉

But that’s for tomorrow! Enjoy your Labor Day!

🙂

 

 

 

The Crazy Grandmother.

 My dear Teen’s maternal grandmother is by my definitions insane.

Seriously. 

She’s a couple of fruit loops short of a box. 

She has made no effort to have anything to do with the Teen in over a year.

Then I got a couple Facebook messages.

  • June 11- hi teen love you grandma
  • June 13- hi teen love grandma hugs and kisses
  • June 21- hi teen love you hugs and kisses

Ugh. So annoying. I don’t know what irritated me more-  the lack of proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar or just the thought of the message.  After the second one, I told the Teen about them. She said: “Facebook? Seriously?”

Obviously she was not impressed. Neither was I really. That totally doesn’t count if you are trying to make contact with her. So I asked my hubby if I could tell her about herself.  I won’t repeat his exact words.. let’s just say he said Yes.

So after much thought, and a few really mean drafts,  I sent this to her:

Dear Crazy Grandma-

“Please stop sending messages for the Teen on my face book. It’s not the same as actually contacting her. I told her about one of them the other day, and her exact words were “Facebook? Seriously?“ She hasn’t heard from you or her mother in almost a year. She’s so hurt by this that even if you were to call her right now…I don’t think that she would even answer the phone. She is old enough to and does understand that if you wanted to be in her life you would make an effort to do so.”

I thought that I made my point.  I guess not. I got this reply this morning. If nothing else I got a good chuckle out of it. (of course I took out the Teens name and the 5 times she used mine)

“thats my blood  something you never let go so you stop thats my grandaughter for life  I dont think you will never come in the middle between me and the teen blood is thicker than water so dont tell me to stop ok
 
ok I wont use your face book any more im sending her my phone number so she can call me ok
 
Ok but tell me how Dont penalize me for not being her mom ok thats between them im the grandma ok and I love the teen forerver no matter what”
 
So, of course she missed the point, so I had to make things a little clearer.
 
“You can stop the “blood is thicker than water” nonsense right now.
What you should be thinking is “Actions Speak Louder Than Words.”

You say how you are her grandmother and you love her.
What the Teen sees: No contact. No Phone calls. No letters. Holidays that go by without even a word. Her 13th birthday- forgotten.
She feels hurt, betrayed, lost, forgotten, abandoned, angry.

If you want to be in her life. Be in it. If you aren’t going to make an effort to be in it and STAY in it- just stay out of it.
Honestly, right now, I don’t think she wants anything to do with you. That’s how hurt she is. And I’ll tell you, it was her birthday that did it.

Just know 2 things: 1. Texting her your phone number and telling her to call you is not making an effort. It is not, and WILL NOT be her responsibility to cultivate your relationship.
2. I think you have a long way to go before you will even be able to get her to call you back. It’s not going to be an easy overnight thing. That’s how hurt she is, and how much damage that has been done.

Do with this what you will. Just make a decision. She can’t handle the not talking to her for a year and then a few phone calls and then you falling off the face of the earth again. And we wont let you continue to hurt her.”

 
So that’s that… if she doesn’t get it from that, then she is most definitely insane.
I personally hope she picks the “stay out of her life” option. My Teen doesn’t need that much crazy in her life.  But I guess since “blood is thicker than water” we have to give her the option to be in her life.  And should the Baby Mama choose to come out from what ever rock she’s been living under, she will be given the same options.
 
In or Out.  You’d think it wouldn’t be a hard decision to make.

A Special Shout Out to some New StepMoms! :)

I just want to send a shout out to some (fairly new) Step-moms that have found my blog recently!

Welcome to the club ladies!  My step mom motto is:

“They” always say that being a mom is the hardest job in the world. “They” have never been a step-mom.

Raising other people’s kids is a hard job, and you are under rated, under appreciated and anything else you can be under! It’s not glamourous, it’s kind of got a bad name (that whole wicked stepmother thing)…We are the unsung heroes of remarriage. 🙂  I think that if they gave you a job description before you signed up for the gig, no one in their right mind would do it.  I’m sure you had no idea what you were in for. I know I didn’t have a clue when I said, “Sure, I’ll stay home and help raise your kid.”

The one thing you have that I didn’t is that knowing You are not alone!  I didn’t know anyone who was a step mom when we got married. I thought I was a crazy, horrible person for the things I was feeling and thinking.   There was no way that it was normal.  It seems that I was completely normal. Go figure.

I’ve been a step mom for 8 1/2 years now. I wouldn’t call myself an expert or anything, but we’ve been through a lot. And I’m sure there is more to come.. my step daughter is a teenager after all! I’m always here for you ladies if you need anything!  I’m just a blog post, comment or email away. 🙂

And let me recommend “The Courage to Be a StepMom: Finding You Place Without Losing Yourself.” Click on it and it will take you to Amazon.com.  This was the one book I read when I started out on this crazy journey.

Oh, and I’m sure you’ll notice that I tend to Blog about a million other things than just my step mom adventures… sometimes I just need to write about me. I have found blogging to be very therapeutic for me.  It helps me stay sane in the insanity that is my life… especially since I don’t really drink, and I’m trying to stop stress-eating. 🙂

I look forward to following your journeys, and I hope that mine doesn’t bore you to tears. hahahaha! 🙂

 

10 months and counting… and a bit of intrigue.

In 5 days it will be 10 months since my dear Teen has heard from her mother.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart.

Even though we havent talked about it in a while. I think she is starting to focus on living her life without her in it at all. Which is sad, but definitely for the best.

My mom has been visiting for the last couple of days, and it seems that the Teen corrected her about who her Mom really is. She’s just started referring to me as “Mama” in the last couple years. Really since the Maniac was born. But my mom taking about something that was mine and she used my name.. and the Teen replied, “That’s my Mom’s.” Or something like that. I found it very interesting.. but in a wonderful and good way of course.

So get this-

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I tend to stalk  check out the Baby Mama’s Facebook page fairly regularly. I learn lots of interesting things from it. She appears to have a boyfriend now. She changed her profile picture to a silhouette of the two of them kissing. Lovely.

Here comes the intrigue…

A few days ago I see a post on her wall from her mother. (This is a direct quote by the way)

Baby Mama’s Crazy Mama-  “What are you having?????? Still waiting????????”

Baby Mama- ” Don’t know yet. It’s killing me to!”

I see only two possible explanations for this conversation..

1. Making dinner plans.

2. Baby Mama has a bun in the oven.

Oh, and a few hours after I saw this post, it was gone!

I don’t even have words to describe my feelings if it is indeed #2.

My poor Teen. She’s not going to take that well at all. And seriously, how do you explain that… “Oh, sorry.. I have bothered to call you in almost a year..  blah blah blah.. oh yea and by the way you have another half sibling.”

I’ll keep you posted if I find anything else out.

The Big 1-3! Part 3: Let’s Party!

Well, a Gleek-tastic time was had by all. I think I am fully recovered.. my livingroom has not. I’ll get it all cleaned up eventually.

So, Friday night, we hosted 4 of my Teen’s friends from school. They seemed to have a fantastic time! She was sooooooooooo excited! We got the hopped up on sugar and fed them pizza! The Slushie cupcakes were a big hit!

 Cupcakes, cookies, doritos, and candy!

Then they spent a couple of hours playing on the Wii. One of the girls brought the “Michael Jackson experience ” game. They danced around to MJ songs for a while then played “Just Dance 2” and danced some more! The best part was the Toddler just dancing right along with them! It was hilarious!

By the time they left, I was exhausted! And there was more to do in the morning!

Saturday was party #2 with my family and it was the “Gleek-tastic” extravaganza!

I pretty much went all out. Take a look:

 The “Gleek-tastic” banner

Top view of the Glee cake

The Glee Cake!
Cafeteria style lunch- Chicken nuggets, mini hamburgers, grilled Cheesus an TOTS! We even had “school lunch tray” plates.
I even made some high school-ish posters
The view of some decorations from the stairs

The best part of the whole day was that she had no idea about the Glee theme. I banished her to her room while I decorated. She came downstairs and was thrilled! That was what it was all about.

The surprises didn’t stop there. My BFF came from Vegas to surprise her. And if she hadn’t gotten enough from us already- (along with my BFF) got her the gift of all gifts…….

The Cruz Tablet.

And my devious little mind decided that she needed it wrapped in a real book. A real hollowed out book! HAHAHAHA! My dad took care of that part of the project.  It had to be a book that she’d have no interest in at all.

PC’s for Dummies- Windows 95

I was hoping for something in another language.. but that will do.

 
Turn to page 17!

She was so thrilled! And she wants to download about a million books!

The perfect gift for my bookworm who reads about 4 books at a time. 
Oh, and I think her other favorite gift was the Red Converse high tops (like they wore in the Superbowl episode of Glee) that my brother-in-law got her.
 
Everyone seemed to have a good time.  My Toddler and my niece had a blast playing together. My dad complained about the Glee playing on the tv all day, which was just kind of funny.
 
So..despite the Bieber-ific bathroom,  my new Teen had the best.birthday.ever.
 
I couldn’t have asked for more.
 
 
 

The Big 1-3! Part 2: Baby Mama Drama. UGH.

Last week I wrote a post about my Baby Mama because my dear Teen was worried and very upset that she wasn’t going to call her on her birthday.

Well… She didn’t.  Shocker.

What she did do was send me a message via Facebook which read “omg today is her birthday. I just got a phone. call me ”

I believe that is translated as:  “I forgot her birthday.”

And I wasnt about to call her, since I’m sure she did not want to hear anything I had to say in that moment.

And then she had the nerve to post her Facebook status as : “Happy 13th Birthday to my wonderful and brillient daughter!”

I was livid.

First of all- learn how to spell.
Secondly- you have no clue how wonderful or brilliant she is. Don’t suddenly pretend you give a crap about her.

I wanted to call her and tell her to remove that post.

Then I realized that I didn’t want to do anything that would ruin my Teens big day. I could tell her off later- When I was calmer.
I did tell the Birthday Girl about the message, minus the part where she forgot, and she seemed okay. I think she was too excited about everything else to really care.

I’ve been jotting down my thoughts to write back to her. I’m just going to tell her how my daughter feels, leaving my feelings on the matter aside. This is despite knowing that it will be a waste of my time and energy.. . but I feel that I need to say SOMETHING to her.. I just can’t let her think this is okay.

So enough of that! Next up…

The Birthday Gleek-tastic extravaganza!