Tag Archives: Baby Mama

1 year, 1 month, 23 days….

After 1 year, 1 month and 23 days… that woman who gave birth to the Teen finally crawled out from under her rock last night.

She sent me a Facebook message.

It was completely self-centered, and poorly spelled. (I hate it when people type messages like that in text short hand.. You= U, and = N, am = M etc… seriously, how much longer could it really take you to spell everything out?)

She claims to “miss her very much.”

and

“wants to start writing her very soon.”

I don’t buy it.  I think she had a momentary pang of guilt.

Oh, and I almost forgot my personal favorite:

“I hope she is not facing some of the things I have had to face in my teen years.”

Well, if you were abandoned by your mother .. then yes, she’s going through that.  Otherwise, I doubt it.

Give me a break.

I am going to tell her about herself this time. I’m done being nice, I’m done just letting her keep hurting her.  If she wants to truly make an effort, then it will be up to the Teen to agree to it. But there will be clear expectations put on her.  And with the baby due in a few weeks, I have a hard time believing that she’s going to pull it off. 

But before I do anything, I’m going to talk to the Teen about it. See what she wants me to do. Maybe she wants to tell her off herself.  My dear hubby didn’t really have anything to say about it when I read him the message.  He’s so helpful sometimes. 😉

Well.. wish me luck. I’m going to talk to her after school..and in the mean time I’m going to work on composing my thoughts on the matter.

And make soup. It’s definitely a soup kind of day.

 

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Suspicions Confirmed. Ugh.

So, I’ve been trying really hard to stop obsessing about all this stupid psycho-people drama in my life. I’m not a fan of the drama. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t mind sitting back and watching other people’s drama, but I don’t like it invading my life.  Ugh. I really just have to let it go already.

Anyway-  today I have drama of a slightly different nature.

My suspicions have been confirmed.

The Teen’s mother (and I use the word mother very loosely… I’ve started referring to her as “that woman.”)  is indeed pregnant.  UGH.

She so kindly posted a picture of her “baby bump” today on Facebook.

Awesome. Thanks.

Now the problem is how and when do I break the news to the Teen?

I don’t think she’s going to take it well. I sure wouldn’t, and I don’t expect anything less.

How would you feel if you hadn’t heard from your so-called mother for over a year and then one day you find out she’s going to give birth to another half-sibling that you’ll never know…. and she couldn’t be bothered to call and tell you herself.

Man Alive. What is wrong with this woman???

I just don’t get it. Since I’ve found out for sure, I’ve been doing a little research about adopting her as my own. I’ve wanted to do it for a while now, and I think we need to make it happen. Well, that is of course if she wants me to.  I think we could probably do it without a lawyer, as long as that woman agrees to terminate her parental rights without a fight. Aside from a lawyer, the most expensive thing I’ve found so far is the social worker investigation/visit.  I found a family lawyer that had a pretty good section about step parent adoptions, maybe a free consultation would be worth the trip. I need to talk to hubby of course. I haven’t even told him the news about that woman.

Oh well… enough about that! I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I’ll post more tomorrow about ours! I finally got to meet my could-be-future-sister-in-law. Did I even mention my Brother-in-law has a new girlfriend? Well, he does. LOL 😉

But that’s for tomorrow! Enjoy your Labor Day!

🙂

 

 

 

What’s up with me this week…

Happy Wednesday!

It’s been a busy week, and looking to be an even busier weekend!

The most exciting part of the weekend is that my wonderful Hubby who I haven’t seen in a month, IS COMING HOME TOMORROW!!!!!  YES!

But its only for 4 days. I’ll take it though.

So, Tomorrow we have a play date at the park.. of course its the one with the water feature.. so that will be interesting to try to leave in the middle of…

Then I am surprising my unsuspecting Teen and taking her to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. She is going to FREAK! She has been dying to see it since we saw the first part back in November.  And I keep messing with her about it. Every time she sees a commercial… she reminds me of how excited she is and I remind her that she can only see it if I let her. I’m so mean.  But it’s so fun. hahahahaha! 

Friday I get to on our Mommy Groups Mommy’s Night Out! No kids, no husbands.. just us girls! I’m very excited to go! After Hubby being gone for a month it is a miracle I havent lost my mind!

Then Saturday hopefully Hubby and I will get to go on a date. My wonderful friend V said she’d watch the kids for me. I’m thinking just hanging at home and making him dinner and just hanging out together without those pesky kids! 🙂

Sunday will be a family day… and then Hubby is back on a plane for some undetermined amount of time again. Sigh. I know it will all go by far too fast.

In other news-

Yesterday I left the house for the first time with a diaper-free Maniac… and she only peed in the potty! Pretty exciting stuff! I was relieved that she did so well, since we went to a Meet Up at one of the mom’s (who i had only met once) in the Mommy Group’s house. I was so afraid she’d pee on something.  I just kept asking her if she had to pee every 5 seconds.  Of course this morning there was a pooping on the floor incident while I was in the shower. Three cheers for the Teen who cleaned it up! 🙂

I am now about 85% certain that the Teen’s mother is pregnant. Her status yesterday was “sorry boo boo there isn’t any more for u n these jeans, lol” I could be totally off base, but to me it reads prego. I still need to be 100% before I break it to the Teen.  I do not want her finding out from any one else… well the Baby Mama telling her would be swell.. but we all know that won’t happen. It is coming very close to being a year since she spoke to her.   And Crazy Grandma has been trying to call her this week. We’re kind of curious how long she is going to try to call until she gives up. I warned her that the Teen wasnt going to answer the phone. She doesn’t want to talk to her. Which is good… since I realized last night that if they talked, I bet she would spill the Baby Mama Baby beans. And I definitely don’t want THAT to happen.. not from the likes of her.

So that’s what’s up with me this week.

What’s up with you? 🙂

10 months and counting… and a bit of intrigue.

In 5 days it will be 10 months since my dear Teen has heard from her mother.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart.

Even though we havent talked about it in a while. I think she is starting to focus on living her life without her in it at all. Which is sad, but definitely for the best.

My mom has been visiting for the last couple of days, and it seems that the Teen corrected her about who her Mom really is. She’s just started referring to me as “Mama” in the last couple years. Really since the Maniac was born. But my mom taking about something that was mine and she used my name.. and the Teen replied, “That’s my Mom’s.” Or something like that. I found it very interesting.. but in a wonderful and good way of course.

So get this-

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I tend to stalk  check out the Baby Mama’s Facebook page fairly regularly. I learn lots of interesting things from it. She appears to have a boyfriend now. She changed her profile picture to a silhouette of the two of them kissing. Lovely.

Here comes the intrigue…

A few days ago I see a post on her wall from her mother. (This is a direct quote by the way)

Baby Mama’s Crazy Mama-  “What are you having?????? Still waiting????????”

Baby Mama- ” Don’t know yet. It’s killing me to!”

I see only two possible explanations for this conversation..

1. Making dinner plans.

2. Baby Mama has a bun in the oven.

Oh, and a few hours after I saw this post, it was gone!

I don’t even have words to describe my feelings if it is indeed #2.

My poor Teen. She’s not going to take that well at all. And seriously, how do you explain that… “Oh, sorry.. I have bothered to call you in almost a year..  blah blah blah.. oh yea and by the way you have another half sibling.”

I’ll keep you posted if I find anything else out.

The Big 1-3! Part 2: Baby Mama Drama. UGH.

Last week I wrote a post about my Baby Mama because my dear Teen was worried and very upset that she wasn’t going to call her on her birthday.

Well… She didn’t.  Shocker.

What she did do was send me a message via Facebook which read “omg today is her birthday. I just got a phone. call me ”

I believe that is translated as:  “I forgot her birthday.”

And I wasnt about to call her, since I’m sure she did not want to hear anything I had to say in that moment.

And then she had the nerve to post her Facebook status as : “Happy 13th Birthday to my wonderful and brillient daughter!”

I was livid.

First of all- learn how to spell.
Secondly- you have no clue how wonderful or brilliant she is. Don’t suddenly pretend you give a crap about her.

I wanted to call her and tell her to remove that post.

Then I realized that I didn’t want to do anything that would ruin my Teens big day. I could tell her off later- When I was calmer.
I did tell the Birthday Girl about the message, minus the part where she forgot, and she seemed okay. I think she was too excited about everything else to really care.

I’ve been jotting down my thoughts to write back to her. I’m just going to tell her how my daughter feels, leaving my feelings on the matter aside. This is despite knowing that it will be a waste of my time and energy.. . but I feel that I need to say SOMETHING to her.. I just can’t let her think this is okay.

So enough of that! Next up…

The Birthday Gleek-tastic extravaganza!

Dear Baby Mama… Part of me wishes you will randomly find this post

I don’t get it.

I cannot begin to fathom how my [step] daughters mother can not call her for months on end.

Next week, it will be 6 months since my [Soon-to-be]Teen has talked to her.

SIX MONTHS. 

The last time she actually talked to her was August 11. The day after school started.  She did try to call once in September, but did not leave a message, and has not even tried to call back.

There was no call on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.

With her birthday just a week away, its starting to really take a toll on her. She’s really upset. She is worried that she isn’t going to get a birthday phone call. Sadly, I think she needs to prepare herself for that reality.

Honestly, I don’t think my Teen would answer the phone even if her mother did call. I think she just wants to see her name on the display on her phone, to know that for one moment in six months the woman who gave her life thought about her enough to press the buttons on her phone.

My poor baby. It kills me to see her so upset. 

Last night, I hugged her like I’ve never hugged her before and she just cried.

I reminded her that she has so many people in her life who adore her.

That she indeed is MY daughter. 

And to not let this sad overshadow her day, you only turn 13 once after all.

Sigh.

The worst part of all of this is that for almost 1 year, that woman lived 8 hours away from us. Not once, did she ever make any attempt to come see her. They have not seen each other in over a year and a half (July 2009).  Then….

She moved 2000 miles away and didn’t give us a heads up. I found out about  it on Facebook. I did get a random text from her saying that she was “on her way” to her new state of residence (even though I knew she had been there for a day or two thanks to FB) and she “didn’t know what to say to her.” Um.. you tell her the truth. You don’t just ignore her.  I didn’t reply because I was furious.

I try to keep  track of her on Facebook. But, she hasn’t been on at all in weeks, so I have no clue what her deal is now.  She really could be dead for all we know.

Part of me wants to call her and find out what is going on (to find out if she even realizes  that she’s hurting my Teen this much). I know that it would be a waste of time and energy. She’d just have some sob story to try to make me feel bad for her. Boo freaking hoo. We all have problems lady.

My Teen is so devastated about this that she is seriously contemplating just cutting her losses and not having any contact with her again.  When we were talking last night, she said, “I can understand not calling for a few weeks or maybe a month or two. But  six months has reached unforgivable.”

This isn’t the first time we havent heard from her in months.  She’s always gone 3-4 months without contact. In a “typical” year, she’ll rear her ugly head around my Teen’s birthday in February, around May or June to tell me the big plans to come visit that may or may not pan out, when school starts, and then Christmas. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.   And when she does call, she’s full of empty promises of “I’ll do better” “I’ll call you next week/tomorrow/later.” “You can come here over the summer.”  “I’m going to send you ________.”

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

I can’t even begin to understand the hurt or the sadness that she’s feeling right now.  I can only just be here for her when she needs me.

So, if by some random chance you are reading this Baby Mama..

Get your head out of your ass and call your daughter.  Try to be her mother for once and pick up the phone and call her.  You always tell me you “wish you could do more for her.” I know you mean buying her things.  She doesn’t need “things.” She needs and wants your love and your attention and just to get to know you. If you can afford to pay your cell phone bill, and you have time to post music videos on Facebook, you have time to call her.  If you don’t call her on her birthday, you are going to cause the worst damage yet.  You run the risk of losing her forever.  And you won’t  have anyone to blame but yourself.  I hope you can live with that.

Signed,

Her Step Mom.

Back to School Baby Mama Drama

So I havent really talked that much about my darling Step daughter yet…  when I started blogging she was away at camp, and then at Grandma’s house and now she is home.

Honestly I don’t know what I would have done without her these last couple weeks.  She is such a huge help with KT, especially since I was sick. I never would have gotten better if I didn’t have K  to keep an eye on her so I could get some sleep. I think I got so sick in the first place because I couldn’t just sleep it off.   At the same time there are days where she drives me crazy.  I think its because even after living together for the last 6 years, we are not wired the same at all and neither one of us gets the way the other thinks.  I always forget then when we are in the middle of one of our “fights.”

She is a pretty amazing kid.  She’s been through a lot in her 12 years. In a lot of ways she is wise beyond her years, and in a lot of ways she’s 6. But I guess that’s what it is to be a “Tween.”   She’s one of those super smart people that don’t have a whole lot of common sense… which is one of the things that drives me insane. But we’re working on that.  She is brave, out going, friendly, polite, …just to name a few.

I have  been her “Mom” for half of her life now. Which is a really weird to me sometimes. Weird that I have a 12 year old, and weird that sometimes it feels like she’s been with us forever since essentially she is my kid.  Her “Mother” aka “My Baby’s Mama” *LOL* is in and out… there are times she’s in her life and sometimes she’s out.   Which is something I will never understand. I can’t fathom how she can go months without talking her her own kid,  seeing her once a year.  I can’t stand it when she is at camp and I can’t talk to her for a week!  But anyway- she has been actually calling her on a semi-regular basis since January.  Honestly she’s talked to her more times in the last six months than she has talked to her in 6 years.  Its very sad actually.

The saddest part of the whole thing is that K gets it.  She’s wise enough in her 12 years that she knows how she is…. that she may not call for months, that she may call once a week or once a month.   She says she’s going to do a lot of things, and most of the time they don’t happen.  And now she’s finding out that she doesn’t actually listen to what she tells her when she does talk to her.

Hence the Back to school Baby Mama Drama.  I guess its really not so dramatic… it could be worse.

Baby Mama texted me a few days ago saying that she was going to send K a back to school package.  Sadly, Her mother’s idea of “being there” for her is sending her stuff that she doesn’t like or doesn’t need and will probably never use.  (Although- they have improved)  She was going to send her this “Awesome” backpack.  Mind you, we have already gotten everything K needs for school.  I offered to buy her a backpack, but she really likes the one she has and was excited about using it again- which she did tell her mother.

I showed K the picture and she said “Oh yea that’s awesome” dripping with sarcasm.  Then there were three more pictures of more back packs.. all equally as not appealing. One of them actually said “Love Kills Slowly” on it… Um.. that’s appropriate for the 12 year old to wear to school. NOT.   I was just going to let her do what ever she was going to do… but I decided to just be honest. I told her that she wouldn’t like any of them and didn’t want a new one anyway.  Surprisingly she was thankful that I told her, but she was still going to send her something.

We’ll see what actually shows up.  I’ll keep you posted.