Tag Archives: Step Daughter

1 year, 1 month, 23 days….

After 1 year, 1 month and 23 days… that woman who gave birth to the Teen finally crawled out from under her rock last night.

She sent me a Facebook message.

It was completely self-centered, and poorly spelled. (I hate it when people type messages like that in text short hand.. You= U, and = N, am = M etc… seriously, how much longer could it really take you to spell everything out?)

She claims to “miss her very much.”

and

“wants to start writing her very soon.”

I don’t buy it.  I think she had a momentary pang of guilt.

Oh, and I almost forgot my personal favorite:

“I hope she is not facing some of the things I have had to face in my teen years.”

Well, if you were abandoned by your mother .. then yes, she’s going through that.  Otherwise, I doubt it.

Give me a break.

I am going to tell her about herself this time. I’m done being nice, I’m done just letting her keep hurting her.  If she wants to truly make an effort, then it will be up to the Teen to agree to it. But there will be clear expectations put on her.  And with the baby due in a few weeks, I have a hard time believing that she’s going to pull it off. 

But before I do anything, I’m going to talk to the Teen about it. See what she wants me to do. Maybe she wants to tell her off herself.  My dear hubby didn’t really have anything to say about it when I read him the message.  He’s so helpful sometimes. 😉

Well.. wish me luck. I’m going to talk to her after school..and in the mean time I’m going to work on composing my thoughts on the matter.

And make soup. It’s definitely a soup kind of day.

 

Suspicions Confirmed. Ugh.

So, I’ve been trying really hard to stop obsessing about all this stupid psycho-people drama in my life. I’m not a fan of the drama. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t mind sitting back and watching other people’s drama, but I don’t like it invading my life.  Ugh. I really just have to let it go already.

Anyway-  today I have drama of a slightly different nature.

My suspicions have been confirmed.

The Teen’s mother (and I use the word mother very loosely… I’ve started referring to her as “that woman.”)  is indeed pregnant.  UGH.

She so kindly posted a picture of her “baby bump” today on Facebook.

Awesome. Thanks.

Now the problem is how and when do I break the news to the Teen?

I don’t think she’s going to take it well. I sure wouldn’t, and I don’t expect anything less.

How would you feel if you hadn’t heard from your so-called mother for over a year and then one day you find out she’s going to give birth to another half-sibling that you’ll never know…. and she couldn’t be bothered to call and tell you herself.

Man Alive. What is wrong with this woman???

I just don’t get it. Since I’ve found out for sure, I’ve been doing a little research about adopting her as my own. I’ve wanted to do it for a while now, and I think we need to make it happen. Well, that is of course if she wants me to.  I think we could probably do it without a lawyer, as long as that woman agrees to terminate her parental rights without a fight. Aside from a lawyer, the most expensive thing I’ve found so far is the social worker investigation/visit.  I found a family lawyer that had a pretty good section about step parent adoptions, maybe a free consultation would be worth the trip. I need to talk to hubby of course. I haven’t even told him the news about that woman.

Oh well… enough about that! I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I’ll post more tomorrow about ours! I finally got to meet my could-be-future-sister-in-law. Did I even mention my Brother-in-law has a new girlfriend? Well, he does. LOL 😉

But that’s for tomorrow! Enjoy your Labor Day!

🙂

 

 

 

A very Trying Tuesday.

Well.. the weekend went by way too fast, and here it is Tuesday. and a trying Tuesday it has been.

I really wanted to get up and go to the gym, I didn’t hear any of my 3 alarms that I set to get up at 5.  I guess I needed to sleep.

I was rudely awakened by a Maniac pooptastrophy. UGH. I don’t know what she’s been eating… actually I think it’s probably the allergy medicine I’ve been giving her.. but the last couple days have been some of the foulest, nastiest smelling packages she has ever shared with me. Just what I wanted to deal with a 7am.  And it required a hose-down in the bath tub both times it happened this morning.  EWWWW. And you should consider yourself lucky i did not go into further detail of the situation.

In other excitement… the Teen decided to take Choir as her elective this year. I’m not really sure why exactly, being that she has never showed any interest in singing before and I’m not confident that she could carry a tune in a bucket. But whatever, that’s what she picked and she actually go it.  She has been in Choir for 5 minutes. Okay, today will be the 7th class she’s had. and they have a performance tonight at the “Back To school Night.” I am not sure how they could have even learned the words to a song in 7 hours.

I guess we shall see how that goes for her. I keep forgetting about back to school night. I would have been completely content not getting out of my PJ’s today. Then i realized at about 1pm that we have to go to it. I wouldnt mind so much if it wasnt for the incredibly crazy 3-year-old I have to drag along with me. I am not really a fan of taking her anywhere lately… this should be a super awesome good time. We have to follow the Teen’s schedule and go from class to class and listen to all of her teachers give a little talk about their classes this year.  last year it was not pretty. By the time we got to about 4th period, the Maniac was over it. I don’t think we even went to her last period class because of all the screaming. I may have to break out the big guns and let her play games on my phone or something if I have to.

And in even more exciting news… my wonderful Hubby will be home tomorrow afternoon for a few days. YAY! That is, Now that we got his flights fixed. The new girl who made his reservations didn’t know that he doesn’t fly into LAX…so she had him flying in there at 4:30 pm. Yea.. I’m not driving  the 1-1.5 hours it is with no traffic to LAX, let alone at rush hour. It would take me 2 hours to get there and 3 hours to get home. Especially when even with traffic, it takes about 20 minutes to get to his usual airport.  Luckily she was able to change it.

At least he will be home for a little while. Then he goes back to North Carolina for a week and hopefully will be back for a few days before they ship him off somewhere else. woo. yea, i can’t think about that yet. I’m just going to be thankful that I get to see him tomorrow!

Well.. that’s all the excitement for now. I need to go gather my Maniac entertainment supplies and figure out what to feed them for dinner!

 

 

The Crazy Grandmother.

 My dear Teen’s maternal grandmother is by my definitions insane.

Seriously. 

She’s a couple of fruit loops short of a box. 

She has made no effort to have anything to do with the Teen in over a year.

Then I got a couple Facebook messages.

  • June 11- hi teen love you grandma
  • June 13- hi teen love grandma hugs and kisses
  • June 21- hi teen love you hugs and kisses

Ugh. So annoying. I don’t know what irritated me more-  the lack of proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar or just the thought of the message.  After the second one, I told the Teen about them. She said: “Facebook? Seriously?”

Obviously she was not impressed. Neither was I really. That totally doesn’t count if you are trying to make contact with her. So I asked my hubby if I could tell her about herself.  I won’t repeat his exact words.. let’s just say he said Yes.

So after much thought, and a few really mean drafts,  I sent this to her:

Dear Crazy Grandma-

“Please stop sending messages for the Teen on my face book. It’s not the same as actually contacting her. I told her about one of them the other day, and her exact words were “Facebook? Seriously?“ She hasn’t heard from you or her mother in almost a year. She’s so hurt by this that even if you were to call her right now…I don’t think that she would even answer the phone. She is old enough to and does understand that if you wanted to be in her life you would make an effort to do so.”

I thought that I made my point.  I guess not. I got this reply this morning. If nothing else I got a good chuckle out of it. (of course I took out the Teens name and the 5 times she used mine)

“thats my blood  something you never let go so you stop thats my grandaughter for life  I dont think you will never come in the middle between me and the teen blood is thicker than water so dont tell me to stop ok
 
ok I wont use your face book any more im sending her my phone number so she can call me ok
 
Ok but tell me how Dont penalize me for not being her mom ok thats between them im the grandma ok and I love the teen forerver no matter what”
 
So, of course she missed the point, so I had to make things a little clearer.
 
“You can stop the “blood is thicker than water” nonsense right now.
What you should be thinking is “Actions Speak Louder Than Words.”

You say how you are her grandmother and you love her.
What the Teen sees: No contact. No Phone calls. No letters. Holidays that go by without even a word. Her 13th birthday- forgotten.
She feels hurt, betrayed, lost, forgotten, abandoned, angry.

If you want to be in her life. Be in it. If you aren’t going to make an effort to be in it and STAY in it- just stay out of it.
Honestly, right now, I don’t think she wants anything to do with you. That’s how hurt she is. And I’ll tell you, it was her birthday that did it.

Just know 2 things: 1. Texting her your phone number and telling her to call you is not making an effort. It is not, and WILL NOT be her responsibility to cultivate your relationship.
2. I think you have a long way to go before you will even be able to get her to call you back. It’s not going to be an easy overnight thing. That’s how hurt she is, and how much damage that has been done.

Do with this what you will. Just make a decision. She can’t handle the not talking to her for a year and then a few phone calls and then you falling off the face of the earth again. And we wont let you continue to hurt her.”

 
So that’s that… if she doesn’t get it from that, then she is most definitely insane.
I personally hope she picks the “stay out of her life” option. My Teen doesn’t need that much crazy in her life.  But I guess since “blood is thicker than water” we have to give her the option to be in her life.  And should the Baby Mama choose to come out from what ever rock she’s been living under, she will be given the same options.
 
In or Out.  You’d think it wouldn’t be a hard decision to make.

A Special Shout Out to some New StepMoms! :)

I just want to send a shout out to some (fairly new) Step-moms that have found my blog recently!

Welcome to the club ladies!  My step mom motto is:

“They” always say that being a mom is the hardest job in the world. “They” have never been a step-mom.

Raising other people’s kids is a hard job, and you are under rated, under appreciated and anything else you can be under! It’s not glamourous, it’s kind of got a bad name (that whole wicked stepmother thing)…We are the unsung heroes of remarriage. 🙂  I think that if they gave you a job description before you signed up for the gig, no one in their right mind would do it.  I’m sure you had no idea what you were in for. I know I didn’t have a clue when I said, “Sure, I’ll stay home and help raise your kid.”

The one thing you have that I didn’t is that knowing You are not alone!  I didn’t know anyone who was a step mom when we got married. I thought I was a crazy, horrible person for the things I was feeling and thinking.   There was no way that it was normal.  It seems that I was completely normal. Go figure.

I’ve been a step mom for 8 1/2 years now. I wouldn’t call myself an expert or anything, but we’ve been through a lot. And I’m sure there is more to come.. my step daughter is a teenager after all! I’m always here for you ladies if you need anything!  I’m just a blog post, comment or email away. 🙂

And let me recommend “The Courage to Be a StepMom: Finding You Place Without Losing Yourself.” Click on it and it will take you to Amazon.com.  This was the one book I read when I started out on this crazy journey.

Oh, and I’m sure you’ll notice that I tend to Blog about a million other things than just my step mom adventures… sometimes I just need to write about me. I have found blogging to be very therapeutic for me.  It helps me stay sane in the insanity that is my life… especially since I don’t really drink, and I’m trying to stop stress-eating. 🙂

I look forward to following your journeys, and I hope that mine doesn’t bore you to tears. hahahaha! 🙂

 

10 months and counting… and a bit of intrigue.

In 5 days it will be 10 months since my dear Teen has heard from her mother.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart.

Even though we havent talked about it in a while. I think she is starting to focus on living her life without her in it at all. Which is sad, but definitely for the best.

My mom has been visiting for the last couple of days, and it seems that the Teen corrected her about who her Mom really is. She’s just started referring to me as “Mama” in the last couple years. Really since the Maniac was born. But my mom taking about something that was mine and she used my name.. and the Teen replied, “That’s my Mom’s.” Or something like that. I found it very interesting.. but in a wonderful and good way of course.

So get this-

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I tend to stalk  check out the Baby Mama’s Facebook page fairly regularly. I learn lots of interesting things from it. She appears to have a boyfriend now. She changed her profile picture to a silhouette of the two of them kissing. Lovely.

Here comes the intrigue…

A few days ago I see a post on her wall from her mother. (This is a direct quote by the way)

Baby Mama’s Crazy Mama-  “What are you having?????? Still waiting????????”

Baby Mama- ” Don’t know yet. It’s killing me to!”

I see only two possible explanations for this conversation..

1. Making dinner plans.

2. Baby Mama has a bun in the oven.

Oh, and a few hours after I saw this post, it was gone!

I don’t even have words to describe my feelings if it is indeed #2.

My poor Teen. She’s not going to take that well at all. And seriously, how do you explain that… “Oh, sorry.. I have bothered to call you in almost a year..  blah blah blah.. oh yea and by the way you have another half sibling.”

I’ll keep you posted if I find anything else out.

It’s okay to lie… So says the Attendance Office at School

My Teen had not missed any school this year.

When we were planning on going to Vegas to visit my BFF and see my hubby I gave her the option to skip a day of school.   But it was totally up to her. If she wanted to keep her perfect attendance we would just go around her schedule.  She has straight A’s and works really hard, and I think everyone deserves a “mental health day” as my mom used to call them.  

 She had no problem missing school, so off to Vegas we went! As things turned out, we left Thursday evening and came back late Monday night. 

As per her school’s policy, I called the attendance line and left a message that she was absent because we were out-of-town and she would be back Tuesday.  Let me just say that we did the same thing last year. The one day of school she missed was because we went to Vegas and I told them we were out-of-town too.

It seems that I needed to leave a better message.

It seems that I needed to lie.

I believe whole heartedly in honesty.  Yes, I will tell an occasional “white lie” but 99.9% of the time I just tell it like it is. Which I why I told the school we were out-of-town.  I also believe that you lie and say you are sick, you had a family emergency, or a death in the family- that odds are something to that effect will happen. Hence my telling the truth.

My Teen came home from school Tuesday afternoon, with a notice that she was assigned 2 days of “Saturday School” (aka saturday detention) because my telling the school we were “out-of-town” was not an excusable reason for an absence. I was livid. 

It also seems that I didn’t  thoroughly read the attendance policy at the beginning of the school year, or I didn’t remember what I read.  Whatever, I was still mad.

I called the school and gave the attendance lady a piece of my mind. According to her, they follow the regulations set by the state of California. That’s all fine and dandy, but last year when we did the same thing and I told the school we were out-of-town nothing happened.

So after I calmed down, we had 3 options.

1. Just don’t go and have 2 unexcused absences on her record.

2. Just go to the detention and do her time to get the absences excused.

3. Write a note on the back of the paper they sent home LYING that she was actually sick, even though they have a recorded message that says otherwise.

Seriously people. What example are you setting for our kids here?

The attendance lady seriously waited for no one to be in earshot of her and told me to write the lying note, and said I needed to leave “a better message” next time.

Let’s just lie and get out of trouble! Woo! Yea! Great message people!

 WTF. I have enough trouble trying to figure out when she’s lying to me, and she’s only been a teenager for 2 months!  I don’t need the school district reinforcing it!

We decided to do the right thing. Despite the fact that this whole debacle is my fault for not knowing. But now I know.

She did her 4 hours saturday morning. In her words “It was horrible.”  And she’s got another 4 hours to go this coming Saturday.  If nothing else, she will have had lots of time to work on her book report.

Oh, and its come to light that she may not be able to go on her class field trip since she was assigned 2 Saturdays of detention. Which, again is a load of crap. especially, since it wasnt for a behavioral problem.

We shall cross that bridge when we come to it, and believe me, if that is the case  i am going to take that one up with the Principal.   And if after fighting the good fight, if I lose… maybe she’ll be sick that day. Humph.