Tag Archives: step parent

1 year, 1 month, 23 days….

After 1 year, 1 month and 23 days… that woman who gave birth to the Teen finally crawled out from under her rock last night.

She sent me a Facebook message.

It was completely self-centered, and poorly spelled. (I hate it when people type messages like that in text short hand.. You= U, and = N, am = M etc… seriously, how much longer could it really take you to spell everything out?)

She claims to “miss her very much.”

and

“wants to start writing her very soon.”

I don’t buy it.  I think she had a momentary pang of guilt.

Oh, and I almost forgot my personal favorite:

“I hope she is not facing some of the things I have had to face in my teen years.”

Well, if you were abandoned by your mother .. then yes, she’s going through that.  Otherwise, I doubt it.

Give me a break.

I am going to tell her about herself this time. I’m done being nice, I’m done just letting her keep hurting her.  If she wants to truly make an effort, then it will be up to the Teen to agree to it. But there will be clear expectations put on her.  And with the baby due in a few weeks, I have a hard time believing that she’s going to pull it off. 

But before I do anything, I’m going to talk to the Teen about it. See what she wants me to do. Maybe she wants to tell her off herself.  My dear hubby didn’t really have anything to say about it when I read him the message.  He’s so helpful sometimes. 😉

Well.. wish me luck. I’m going to talk to her after school..and in the mean time I’m going to work on composing my thoughts on the matter.

And make soup. It’s definitely a soup kind of day.

 

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A Special Shout Out to some New StepMoms! :)

I just want to send a shout out to some (fairly new) Step-moms that have found my blog recently!

Welcome to the club ladies!  My step mom motto is:

“They” always say that being a mom is the hardest job in the world. “They” have never been a step-mom.

Raising other people’s kids is a hard job, and you are under rated, under appreciated and anything else you can be under! It’s not glamourous, it’s kind of got a bad name (that whole wicked stepmother thing)…We are the unsung heroes of remarriage. 🙂  I think that if they gave you a job description before you signed up for the gig, no one in their right mind would do it.  I’m sure you had no idea what you were in for. I know I didn’t have a clue when I said, “Sure, I’ll stay home and help raise your kid.”

The one thing you have that I didn’t is that knowing You are not alone!  I didn’t know anyone who was a step mom when we got married. I thought I was a crazy, horrible person for the things I was feeling and thinking.   There was no way that it was normal.  It seems that I was completely normal. Go figure.

I’ve been a step mom for 8 1/2 years now. I wouldn’t call myself an expert or anything, but we’ve been through a lot. And I’m sure there is more to come.. my step daughter is a teenager after all! I’m always here for you ladies if you need anything!  I’m just a blog post, comment or email away. 🙂

And let me recommend “The Courage to Be a StepMom: Finding You Place Without Losing Yourself.” Click on it and it will take you to Amazon.com.  This was the one book I read when I started out on this crazy journey.

Oh, and I’m sure you’ll notice that I tend to Blog about a million other things than just my step mom adventures… sometimes I just need to write about me. I have found blogging to be very therapeutic for me.  It helps me stay sane in the insanity that is my life… especially since I don’t really drink, and I’m trying to stop stress-eating. 🙂

I look forward to following your journeys, and I hope that mine doesn’t bore you to tears. hahahaha! 🙂

 

10 months and counting… and a bit of intrigue.

In 5 days it will be 10 months since my dear Teen has heard from her mother.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart.

Even though we havent talked about it in a while. I think she is starting to focus on living her life without her in it at all. Which is sad, but definitely for the best.

My mom has been visiting for the last couple of days, and it seems that the Teen corrected her about who her Mom really is. She’s just started referring to me as “Mama” in the last couple years. Really since the Maniac was born. But my mom taking about something that was mine and she used my name.. and the Teen replied, “That’s my Mom’s.” Or something like that. I found it very interesting.. but in a wonderful and good way of course.

So get this-

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I tend to stalk  check out the Baby Mama’s Facebook page fairly regularly. I learn lots of interesting things from it. She appears to have a boyfriend now. She changed her profile picture to a silhouette of the two of them kissing. Lovely.

Here comes the intrigue…

A few days ago I see a post on her wall from her mother. (This is a direct quote by the way)

Baby Mama’s Crazy Mama-  “What are you having?????? Still waiting????????”

Baby Mama- ” Don’t know yet. It’s killing me to!”

I see only two possible explanations for this conversation..

1. Making dinner plans.

2. Baby Mama has a bun in the oven.

Oh, and a few hours after I saw this post, it was gone!

I don’t even have words to describe my feelings if it is indeed #2.

My poor Teen. She’s not going to take that well at all. And seriously, how do you explain that… “Oh, sorry.. I have bothered to call you in almost a year..  blah blah blah.. oh yea and by the way you have another half sibling.”

I’ll keep you posted if I find anything else out.

The Big 1-3! Part 3: Let’s Party!

Well, a Gleek-tastic time was had by all. I think I am fully recovered.. my livingroom has not. I’ll get it all cleaned up eventually.

So, Friday night, we hosted 4 of my Teen’s friends from school. They seemed to have a fantastic time! She was sooooooooooo excited! We got the hopped up on sugar and fed them pizza! The Slushie cupcakes were a big hit!

 Cupcakes, cookies, doritos, and candy!

Then they spent a couple of hours playing on the Wii. One of the girls brought the “Michael Jackson experience ” game. They danced around to MJ songs for a while then played “Just Dance 2” and danced some more! The best part was the Toddler just dancing right along with them! It was hilarious!

By the time they left, I was exhausted! And there was more to do in the morning!

Saturday was party #2 with my family and it was the “Gleek-tastic” extravaganza!

I pretty much went all out. Take a look:

 The “Gleek-tastic” banner

Top view of the Glee cake

The Glee Cake!
Cafeteria style lunch- Chicken nuggets, mini hamburgers, grilled Cheesus an TOTS! We even had “school lunch tray” plates.
I even made some high school-ish posters
The view of some decorations from the stairs

The best part of the whole day was that she had no idea about the Glee theme. I banished her to her room while I decorated. She came downstairs and was thrilled! That was what it was all about.

The surprises didn’t stop there. My BFF came from Vegas to surprise her. And if she hadn’t gotten enough from us already- (along with my BFF) got her the gift of all gifts…….

The Cruz Tablet.

And my devious little mind decided that she needed it wrapped in a real book. A real hollowed out book! HAHAHAHA! My dad took care of that part of the project.  It had to be a book that she’d have no interest in at all.

PC’s for Dummies- Windows 95

I was hoping for something in another language.. but that will do.

 
Turn to page 17!

She was so thrilled! And she wants to download about a million books!

The perfect gift for my bookworm who reads about 4 books at a time. 
Oh, and I think her other favorite gift was the Red Converse high tops (like they wore in the Superbowl episode of Glee) that my brother-in-law got her.
 
Everyone seemed to have a good time.  My Toddler and my niece had a blast playing together. My dad complained about the Glee playing on the tv all day, which was just kind of funny.
 
So..despite the Bieber-ific bathroom,  my new Teen had the best.birthday.ever.
 
I couldn’t have asked for more.
 
 
 

The Big 1-3! Part 2: Baby Mama Drama. UGH.

Last week I wrote a post about my Baby Mama because my dear Teen was worried and very upset that she wasn’t going to call her on her birthday.

Well… She didn’t.  Shocker.

What she did do was send me a message via Facebook which read “omg today is her birthday. I just got a phone. call me ”

I believe that is translated as:  “I forgot her birthday.”

And I wasnt about to call her, since I’m sure she did not want to hear anything I had to say in that moment.

And then she had the nerve to post her Facebook status as : “Happy 13th Birthday to my wonderful and brillient daughter!”

I was livid.

First of all- learn how to spell.
Secondly- you have no clue how wonderful or brilliant she is. Don’t suddenly pretend you give a crap about her.

I wanted to call her and tell her to remove that post.

Then I realized that I didn’t want to do anything that would ruin my Teens big day. I could tell her off later- When I was calmer.
I did tell the Birthday Girl about the message, minus the part where she forgot, and she seemed okay. I think she was too excited about everything else to really care.

I’ve been jotting down my thoughts to write back to her. I’m just going to tell her how my daughter feels, leaving my feelings on the matter aside. This is despite knowing that it will be a waste of my time and energy.. . but I feel that I need to say SOMETHING to her.. I just can’t let her think this is okay.

So enough of that! Next up…

The Birthday Gleek-tastic extravaganza!

Countdown to the BIG 1-3!

6 hours to go and it will officially be the 11th.

The day I’ve been dreading… the day we will officially have a

T-E-E-N-A-G-E-R.

I guess I must accept this fact sooner or later, it’s going to happen no matter how many times I try to convince her that she’s just going to turn 12 again.

I am very excited for her though. I am hoping that she will have the best birthday ever (to date)!

I have been a busy little bee.  I’ve been trying to clean the house, even though the Toddler keeps following after me, making an even bigger mess. I’ve resigned to just cleaning up the living room tomorrow.

The balloons are ordered, the food is planned, the cupcakes are baked! I’m so excited for her to see them!

LOOK HOW AWESOME THEY TURNED OUT:

SLUSHIE CUPCAKES!

I have hidden them until she gets home from school tomorrow.

Operation Bieb-a-bathroom is ready to go once she’s in bed!

I just need to wrap presents, bake a cake and grocery shop for Saturday. Oh, and finish cleaning the house of course! LOL

At least hubby will be home tomorrow afternoon, so I can finish shopping and errand running minus the Toddler! Woo Hoo for that!

I should go do something while the afore-mentioned Toddler is FINALLY snoozing! Lots to do!

SO EXCITED! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (my squeal of excitement… since I have to play it cool….)

Dear Baby Mama… Part of me wishes you will randomly find this post

I don’t get it.

I cannot begin to fathom how my [step] daughters mother can not call her for months on end.

Next week, it will be 6 months since my [Soon-to-be]Teen has talked to her.

SIX MONTHS. 

The last time she actually talked to her was August 11. The day after school started.  She did try to call once in September, but did not leave a message, and has not even tried to call back.

There was no call on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.

With her birthday just a week away, its starting to really take a toll on her. She’s really upset. She is worried that she isn’t going to get a birthday phone call. Sadly, I think she needs to prepare herself for that reality.

Honestly, I don’t think my Teen would answer the phone even if her mother did call. I think she just wants to see her name on the display on her phone, to know that for one moment in six months the woman who gave her life thought about her enough to press the buttons on her phone.

My poor baby. It kills me to see her so upset. 

Last night, I hugged her like I’ve never hugged her before and she just cried.

I reminded her that she has so many people in her life who adore her.

That she indeed is MY daughter. 

And to not let this sad overshadow her day, you only turn 13 once after all.

Sigh.

The worst part of all of this is that for almost 1 year, that woman lived 8 hours away from us. Not once, did she ever make any attempt to come see her. They have not seen each other in over a year and a half (July 2009).  Then….

She moved 2000 miles away and didn’t give us a heads up. I found out about  it on Facebook. I did get a random text from her saying that she was “on her way” to her new state of residence (even though I knew she had been there for a day or two thanks to FB) and she “didn’t know what to say to her.” Um.. you tell her the truth. You don’t just ignore her.  I didn’t reply because I was furious.

I try to keep  track of her on Facebook. But, she hasn’t been on at all in weeks, so I have no clue what her deal is now.  She really could be dead for all we know.

Part of me wants to call her and find out what is going on (to find out if she even realizes  that she’s hurting my Teen this much). I know that it would be a waste of time and energy. She’d just have some sob story to try to make me feel bad for her. Boo freaking hoo. We all have problems lady.

My Teen is so devastated about this that she is seriously contemplating just cutting her losses and not having any contact with her again.  When we were talking last night, she said, “I can understand not calling for a few weeks or maybe a month or two. But  six months has reached unforgivable.”

This isn’t the first time we havent heard from her in months.  She’s always gone 3-4 months without contact. In a “typical” year, she’ll rear her ugly head around my Teen’s birthday in February, around May or June to tell me the big plans to come visit that may or may not pan out, when school starts, and then Christmas. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.   And when she does call, she’s full of empty promises of “I’ll do better” “I’ll call you next week/tomorrow/later.” “You can come here over the summer.”  “I’m going to send you ________.”

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

I can’t even begin to understand the hurt or the sadness that she’s feeling right now.  I can only just be here for her when she needs me.

So, if by some random chance you are reading this Baby Mama..

Get your head out of your ass and call your daughter.  Try to be her mother for once and pick up the phone and call her.  You always tell me you “wish you could do more for her.” I know you mean buying her things.  She doesn’t need “things.” She needs and wants your love and your attention and just to get to know you. If you can afford to pay your cell phone bill, and you have time to post music videos on Facebook, you have time to call her.  If you don’t call her on her birthday, you are going to cause the worst damage yet.  You run the risk of losing her forever.  And you won’t  have anyone to blame but yourself.  I hope you can live with that.

Signed,

Her Step Mom.