My dear Teen’s maternal grandmother is by my definitions insane.
She’s a couple of fruit loops short of a box.
She has made no effort to have anything to do with the Teen in over a year.
Then I got a couple Facebook messages.
- June 11- hi teen love you grandma
- June 13- hi teen love grandma hugs and kisses
- June 21- hi teen love you hugs and kisses
Ugh. So annoying. I don’t know what irritated me more- the lack of proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar or just the thought of the message. After the second one, I told the Teen about them. She said: “Facebook? Seriously?”
Obviously she was not impressed. Neither was I really. That totally doesn’t count if you are trying to make contact with her. So I asked my hubby if I could tell her about herself. I won’t repeat his exact words.. let’s just say he said Yes.
So after much thought, and a few really mean drafts, I sent this to her:
Dear Crazy Grandma-
“Please stop sending messages for the Teen on my face book. It’s not the same as actually contacting her. I told her about one of them the other day, and her exact words were “Facebook? Seriously?“ She hasn’t heard from you or her mother in almost a year. She’s so hurt by this that even if you were to call her right now…I don’t think that she would even answer the phone. She is old enough to and does understand that if you wanted to be in her life you would make an effort to do so.”
I thought that I made my point. I guess not. I got this reply this morning. If nothing else I got a good chuckle out of it. (of course I took out the Teens name and the 5 times she used mine)
What you should be thinking is “Actions Speak Louder Than Words.”
You say how you are her grandmother and you love her.
What the Teen sees: No contact. No Phone calls. No letters. Holidays that go by without even a word. Her 13th birthday- forgotten.
She feels hurt, betrayed, lost, forgotten, abandoned, angry.
If you want to be in her life. Be in it. If you aren’t going to make an effort to be in it and STAY in it- just stay out of it.
Honestly, right now, I don’t think she wants anything to do with you. That’s how hurt she is. And I’ll tell you, it was her birthday that did it.
Just know 2 things: 1. Texting her your phone number and telling her to call you is not making an effort. It is not, and WILL NOT be her responsibility to cultivate your relationship.
2. I think you have a long way to go before you will even be able to get her to call you back. It’s not going to be an easy overnight thing. That’s how hurt she is, and how much damage that has been done.
Do with this what you will. Just make a decision. She can’t handle the not talking to her for a year and then a few phone calls and then you falling off the face of the earth again. And we wont let you continue to hurt her.”