Dear Baby Mama… Part of me wishes you will randomly find this post

I don’t get it.

I cannot begin to fathom how my [step] daughters mother can not call her for months on end.

Next week, it will be 6 months since my [Soon-to-be]Teen has talked to her.


The last time she actually talked to her was August 11. The day after school started.  She did try to call once in September, but did not leave a message, and has not even tried to call back.

There was no call on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.

With her birthday just a week away, its starting to really take a toll on her. She’s really upset. She is worried that she isn’t going to get a birthday phone call. Sadly, I think she needs to prepare herself for that reality.

Honestly, I don’t think my Teen would answer the phone even if her mother did call. I think she just wants to see her name on the display on her phone, to know that for one moment in six months the woman who gave her life thought about her enough to press the buttons on her phone.

My poor baby. It kills me to see her so upset. 

Last night, I hugged her like I’ve never hugged her before and she just cried.

I reminded her that she has so many people in her life who adore her.

That she indeed is MY daughter. 

And to not let this sad overshadow her day, you only turn 13 once after all.


The worst part of all of this is that for almost 1 year, that woman lived 8 hours away from us. Not once, did she ever make any attempt to come see her. They have not seen each other in over a year and a half (July 2009).  Then….

She moved 2000 miles away and didn’t give us a heads up. I found out about  it on Facebook. I did get a random text from her saying that she was “on her way” to her new state of residence (even though I knew she had been there for a day or two thanks to FB) and she “didn’t know what to say to her.” Um.. you tell her the truth. You don’t just ignore her.  I didn’t reply because I was furious.

I try to keep  track of her on Facebook. But, she hasn’t been on at all in weeks, so I have no clue what her deal is now.  She really could be dead for all we know.

Part of me wants to call her and find out what is going on (to find out if she even realizes  that she’s hurting my Teen this much). I know that it would be a waste of time and energy. She’d just have some sob story to try to make me feel bad for her. Boo freaking hoo. We all have problems lady.

My Teen is so devastated about this that she is seriously contemplating just cutting her losses and not having any contact with her again.  When we were talking last night, she said, “I can understand not calling for a few weeks or maybe a month or two. But  six months has reached unforgivable.”

This isn’t the first time we havent heard from her in months.  She’s always gone 3-4 months without contact. In a “typical” year, she’ll rear her ugly head around my Teen’s birthday in February, around May or June to tell me the big plans to come visit that may or may not pan out, when school starts, and then Christmas. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.   And when she does call, she’s full of empty promises of “I’ll do better” “I’ll call you next week/tomorrow/later.” “You can come here over the summer.”  “I’m going to send you ________.”


I can’t even begin to understand the hurt or the sadness that she’s feeling right now.  I can only just be here for her when she needs me.

So, if by some random chance you are reading this Baby Mama..

Get your head out of your ass and call your daughter.  Try to be her mother for once and pick up the phone and call her.  You always tell me you “wish you could do more for her.” I know you mean buying her things.  She doesn’t need “things.” She needs and wants your love and your attention and just to get to know you. If you can afford to pay your cell phone bill, and you have time to post music videos on Facebook, you have time to call her.  If you don’t call her on her birthday, you are going to cause the worst damage yet.  You run the risk of losing her forever.  And you won’t  have anyone to blame but yourself.  I hope you can live with that.


Her Step Mom.


One response to “Dear Baby Mama… Part of me wishes you will randomly find this post

  1. Oh, this breaks my heart…you are giving her the best thing you can: love.
    there are just things we all have to go through that really, really hurt…and we have to do it alone.
    I pray she calls–I think.

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