I’ve got the pre-birthday blues

It seems like yesterday that we were all marveling in the fact that it was suddenly September.

Now shockingly it is October.

October means Halloween costume creating, mother nature finally turning the thermostat down, Columbus Day, falling leaves(maybe), pumpkins, and…

my Birthday.

I am going to be 37 in 27 days.

Normally, my birthday is my very favorite holiday.

It’s the one day of the year that is (supposed to be) 100% about me.

I’m not sure whether I should be excited this year or not.

I’m still kind of really bitter about last year.

My hubby was traveling (of course).. I have no idea where he was.. Washington maybe…? Who knows.

As bitter as I am about the day, there were good parts:

• My lovely daughter made me a card that made me cry (in a good way).
• My sister called me. (And for my birthday present she watched the girls so hubby could take me to dinner  once he got back from where ever he was.)
• Hubby texted me a stupid picture of himself.

That’s about it.

The annoying things:

• My 2 BFF’s didn’t call me.
• My mother didn’t even call me. She texted me happy birthday.
• it didn’t occur to my husband to send me flowers, a card or anything for that matter. Even when he got back, he didn’t get me a single thing other than taking me to dinner. Even knowing what a crappy day I had.
• I really spent most of the day being homesick, lonely and miserable. I probably cried 5 times. It was horrible.

I have spent the last year trying to focus on the good stuff from that day, but I’m finding it really hard.  I know I shouldn’t still be mad. but I am.

And the logical part of my brain knows that most of my anger & disappointment is really due to my own expectations not being met, or just being too high.. I expected my husband to have the sense to send me flowers or something and he didn’t. That’s probably the thing that hurt me the most.

And now I’m worried that this year is going to stink too.

Part of me wants to remind my hubby that I was miserable last year… but part of me just wants to see what happens.

But then I run the risk of huge disappointment again.

On the bright side- I do get to see my BFF’s the weekend BEFORE my birthday.  We are going to celebrate all three of our birthdays. The “trifecta” as we like to call it. All three of our birthdays are in the span of 4 weeks. Oct 13, Oct 29 and Nov 10.

For M’s birthday her hubby is sending her here for a week. And it was HIS idea! GO him! If only I could get that lucky. sigh.

But of course the Universe has  to put a  monkey wrench into our plans, I found out last night that hubby (who has barely worked in the last month) is going to be gone that weekend. I seriously can’t figure out why the universe hates me.

Hopefully my sister can watch the kids for on Sunday so that we can go do something without the children. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I am going to try to stay positive. Send some good birthday vibes out into the Universe.

Maybe send some directly to my husband.